MOTHER and Son

My mom only had one eye. I hated her, she was such an embarrassment. My mom ran a small shop at a flea market.She collected little weeds and such to sell, anything for the money we needed she was such an embarrassment.There was this one day during elementary school. I remember that it was field day, and my mom came. I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me? I threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school..."Your mom only has one eye?!" and they taunted me.

I wished that my mom would just disappear from this world so I said to my mom, "Mom, why don't you have the other eye?! You're only going to make me a laughingstock. Why don't you just die?" My mom did not respond. I guess I felt a little bad, but at the same time, it felt good to think that I had said what I'd wanted to say all this time.

Maybe it was because my mom hadn't punished me, but I didn't think that I had hurt her feelings very badly.
That night...I woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. My mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she was afraid that she might wake me. I took a look at her, and then turned away. Because of the thing I had said to her earlier, there was something pinching at me in the corner of my heart. Even so, I hated my mother who was crying out of her one eye. So I told myself that I would grow up and become successful, because I hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty.

Then I studied really hard. I left my mother and came to Seoul and studied, and got accepted in the Seoul University with all the confidence I had. Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. Then I had kids, too. Now I'm living happily as a successful man. I like it here because it's a place that doesn't remind me of my mom.

This happiness was getting bigger and bigger, when someone unexpected came to see me "What?! Who's this?!"... It was my mother...Still with her one eye. It felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me. My little girl ran away, scared of my mom's eye.

And I asked her, "Who are you? I don't know you!!!" as if I tried to make that real. I screamed at her "How dare you come to my house and scare my daughter! Get out here now!" And to this, my mother quietly answered, "oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address," and she disappeared. Thank good ness... she doesn't recognize me. I was quite relieved. I told myself that I wasn't going to care, or think about this for the rest of my life.

Then a wave of relief came upon me... one day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. I lied to my wife saying that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went down to the old shack, that I used to call a house...just out of curiosity there, I found my mother fallen on the cold ground. But I did not shed a single tear. She had a piece of paper in her hand.... it was a letter to me.

"My Son...
I think my life has been long enough now. And... I won't visit Seoul anymore... but would it be too much to ask if I wanted you to come visit me once in a while? I miss you so much. And I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I decided not to go to the school.... For you... I'm sorry that I only have one eye, and I was an embarrassment for you.
You see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with only one eye... so I gave you mine... I was so proud of my son that was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye. I was never upset at you for anything you did. The couple times that you were angry with me. I thought to myself, 'it's because he loves me.' I miss the times when you were still young around me.
I miss you so much. I love you. You mean the world to me."

My world shattered! Then I cried for the person who lived for me. My Mother.

Mini dictionary:

embarrassment (n)     : keadaan memalukan

flea market (n)           : pasar loak

weed (n)                    : rumput liar

hateful (a)                  : penuh kebencian

taunt (v)                     : mengejek

wish (v)                     : berharap

laughingstock (n)        : bahan tertawaan

guess (v)                    : menerka

punish (v)                   : menghukum

hurt (v)                      : menyakiti

wake (v)                    : membangunkan

pinch (v)                    : mencubit

corner (v)                  : sudut

desperate (a)             : sangat menyedihkan, nekat, putus asa

poverty (n)                : kemiskinan

accept (v)                 : menerima, menyetujui

confidence (n)           : kepercayaan
remind (v)                 : mengingatkan
unexpected               : tidak disangka-sangka
scream (v)                : berteriak
scare (v)                   : menakuti
dissapear (v)             : menghilang
recognize (v)             : mengenali, menandai
relieve (v)                 : mengurangi
shack (n)                  : pondok, gubuk
curiosity (n)              : keingintahuan, rasa penasaran
shed (v)                    : menitikkan
shattered (v)             : hancur, pecah []


*taken from http://touching-inspiringstory.blogspot.com

+3 Hari ini

Bismillah...

It's been three days I feel so bored all day long.

Kenapa? Saya juga tidak tahu. It just blows my head around.
Seorang teman berkomentar lewat smsnya, "palingan kmu mrs khilngan aku wkwkwk.."

Mungkin, meski tak sepenuhnya benar seba', I will find someone like you-lah hahaha...

Well, mari jujur pada diri sendiri. Tiga hari terakhir menjenuhkan. Saat kamu ingin melakukan sesuatu, dengan segala persiapan dan semangat '85, tapi di lapangan tidak bisa apa-apa pasti menyedihkan. Menjengkelkan!
Aneh ya, bukannya saya seharusnya mengendalikan apa yang bisa dan tidak bisa saya lakukan di sini, di tempat di mana saya punya selembar kertas dan "tongkat" sakti. Tapi itulah, semua berbeda. Kalau saja kamu ada di sini dan merasakannya, seharusnya lehermu pegal karena geleng-geleng kepala. Terlalu banyak hal di sini yang di luar kewajaran. TERLALU BANYAK! Dan mungkin sekarang saya pun mulai menjadi tidak wajar. Paling tidak cara berpikir.
Dan kamu tahu tidak, pijaran-pijaran keinginan lama itu datang lagi. Mendesak dan terus mendesak menutup semua saraf-saraf bertahan. Pindah-pindah-pindah. Hanya kata itu. Padahal, saya sudah berkata saya akan BERTAHAN. Bertahan bukan karena terlena pada comfort-zone. Bukan! Karena di sinipun kadang seperti "jahanam" yang membakar otak.

Dulu, bila serangan seperti ini datang bertubi saya bisa mendapatkan penawarnya di ruang-ruang segi empat itu. Tertawa dan menertawai diri sendiri. Bersama-sama. I always got fine there. Now?? I don't know where that place is.
Hmmm...lama dan semakin lama berpikir, cermin itu memantulkan sisi lain. Apa selama ini saya melakukannya karena orang lain? Apa selama ini saya melakukannya karena ingin disukai? Apa selama ini saya melakukannya karena sesuatu? Sebagiannya harus saya katakan benar adanya. Munafik rasanya kalau mengatakan sepenuhnya salah. Dan tanpa sadar saya telah menggantungkan diri, kesenangan, tawa, dan kenikmatan melakukannya tiap saat, padanya. Ketika perlahan sebagian berubah, saya pun perlahan meredup kehilangan kesenangan, tawa, dan kenikmatan itu. Seperti yang sudah-sudah, semua akan begitu manis di awal tapi kemudian menjadi hambar setelah sekian lama. 

Ya, bayangan itu berangsur menghilang setiba gelap yang datang menyapa.
 

#sudah pukul 1 dini hari, artinya sudah 19 Syawal 1433. Saya harus menyudahi tulisan tanpa ujung ini. Saya harus kirim sms hehe..
nice dream :)